Chat with Hannah Seligson, author of "A Little Bit Married"

When I told Alex Harney that I would be in NYC for a couple weeks, she immediately made an e-intro to her friend Hannah Seligson, who just launched her new book A Little Bit Married: How to Know When It's Time to Walk Down the Aisle or Out the Door. When I chatted with Hannah last month, we touched on the inspiration behind her writing ALBM, her take on the "soul mate phenomenon" and why the stakes seem higher for her generation when they contemplate marriage. Last night, I finally met Hannah, in the flesh, at her book launch party. She's pictured here with her friends Trip and Edgar.

-- 16 December 2009

WS: so what are you doing in DC?
HS: i'm in dc because i can actually afford an office here
       and i thought i would try to break into some political reporting
       and i'm a little bit married (ALBM) and my boyfriend got a job here
WS: a little bit married?
HS: yes, it's the new romantic rite of passage for young people (born post 1980) today
       the unmarried long-term relationship
WS: is that why you wrote the book?
HS: in part. the book was inspired by a personal experience.
       but then it became about so much more
       it's such a murky life stage
       and i wanted to figure out how to wrap my mind around it
WS: how long have you been in this unmarried long-term relationship?
HS: we've been dating for about a year
WS: ah...in my mind...long-term is much longer
        i know people who have dated 12 years and still unmarried!
HS: yeah, there are many permutations of ALBM
       the baseline definition I came up with is a one-year monogamous relationship
       but it's really more about the attributes of the relationship than the duration
WS: what are the attributes?
HS: in other words, are you doing things that probably in another era would have signaled that you are headed for the altar
       intertwining in each other's families, living together, making career compromises and sacrifices for each other, plotting a future together
       but then there's always this sense that there are contingencies because you are "a little bit married"
       one of my favourite examples is of the couple that buys furniture together but splits the items "just in case"
WS: so why not just get married?
HS: great question
       there's a movement here in the US, among certain demographics, to put off marriage
       people want to establish themselves professionally before they tie the knot
       and cementing a career is a long and arduous process
WS: is it a guy or gal-driven phenomenon?
HS: it's both. but let me elaborate
       men and women are both pushing off marriage, but in most cases, women are still ready to get married before the guy is
       they want to focus on their careers, but they also have biology to contend with
       so being a little bit married has different implications for women
WS: i would imagine that guys don't even think of it in those terms -- ALBM
HS: how do you imagine they think of it?
WS: they don't?
        they just think -- i'm married or not
HS: i think that's true to a certain extent
       but from my research, i also found that men thought of it as batting practice for marriage
       they were not, as the awful saying goes, thinking "why buy the cow when you can get milk for free"
       one thing i found about men and marriage is that the time at which a man is ready to get married is very tied to his income
WS: why do people think being married hinders career advancement?
HS: well, for women, it actually does, because marriage is usually a stepping stone to children, which definitely stymies career advancement
       for men, i think it's a false perception
       because being married actually increases their earning potential
WS: but people can marry and not have children yet...no?
HS: that's definitely true - so i think it's about being tied to another person
       the notion that you can't just pick up and move to beijing on a whim
       you have to operate as a unit
WS: but you moved to DC
HS: i did and it was a tough decision
WS: why did you decide to move?
HS: ultimately, i had to decide what was really important to me. and living in the same city as my partner won out
       remember that hillary clinton followed bill to arkansas, hardly the epicenter of opportunities for a recent yale school graduate
       not that bill and hillary are a shining example of a marriage
WS: so what was on your mind when making the decision?
HS: i tried my best to think about different scenarios
       how i would feel if we broke up
       if i didn't like the city
       if i felt there was a lack of career opportunities
       so i did all the rational thinking
WS: but NYC & DC are not that far...what about long-d for a little while?
HS: that could have worked -- the other part of this was my own personal frustration with not being able to afford new york
       dc is a better bang for the buck
       but the deeper issue here is how two unmarried people try to harmonize and sync their lives
WS: so it sound to me so far that ALBM is an economic phenomenon
HS: that is certainly one read
       we've seen more couples move in together as a result of the economic downturn
       but it's also important to remember that ALBM is a function of the dramatic changes in the institution of marriage
       people get married for very different reasons now than they used to
       it used to be an economic contract
       women needed a man
       or it was too risky to have sex outside of marriage because of birth control
WS: or is it a function of the statistic that 1 in 2 marriages (in the US) end in divorce?
HS: and yes, the legacy of that statistic is very real
       young people today don't want to repeat the mistakes their parents made
       so they spend a lot of time searching out the "perfect" person
       that's, of course, a generalization, but speaks to the soul mate phenomenon we see
WS: can you elaborate on the soul mate phenomenon?
HS: of course. people are looking for that perfect person, someone who has the comedic timing of jon stewart, the looks of javier bardem, and the intelligence of barack obama. it's high-stakes dating out there.
       when you look at national polling in the US, most young people want to marry their "soul mate"
WS: how is soul mate defined by most?
HS: a soul mate is a factor of fun!
       while i don't think there is one agreed upon definition, i think the main attributes are that it's a person with whom you never feel lonely, sad, angry, disappointed, anxious or upset around
       but we all know that relationships are riddled with incompatibilities and tensions
WS: i believe in soul mates, but not your definition
HS: you do? tell me your definition
WS: i believe i have many soul mates
HS: right, i can buy into that
       but what i'm talking about is a version of a person that doesn't really exist
WS: soul mates are people that you just click with...kindred spirits
HS: yeah, i like the idea of a kindred spirit
       but see, the stakes today are just so high
WS: why are stakes so high?
HS: because people don't need to get married
       you don't need a spouse for economic support
       women can have babies on their own
WS: then shouldn't they be lower?
       men feel less pressure to provide?
       people can just "be"?
HS: marriage is no longer a necessity
       so people look for partners to fulfill them in every way
       as my friend helen said to me
       "i want a boyfriend who will be my career coach, gym buddy, stand-up comic, and constant orgasm supplier
WS: LOL
HS: so another reason for the soul mate phenomenon
       is that people are less connected to their communities than they were say even 40 years ago
       so there is more and more pressure on a significant other to fill the roles that were once filled by an entire community
WS: what did you get out of writing ALBM?
HS: great question
       i learned a lot about my generation
       i think looking closely at a generation's mating and dating rituals is a view into their soul
       so that was the intellectual part
       and even though it was inspired by a personal experience
       i was able to make it about something much bigger
       which is very gratifying
       to really delve into a subject and try to explore all the different facets
       it gave me a real appreciation for how difficult it is to write about relationships, not to mention dole out advice
       to answer your second question, yes, i am still ALBM
WS: advice is always clouded, or rather, limited by our own experience...whether lived/heard/seen/read
HS: right
       i think the other thing i got out of it was feeling like i was making a contribution by putting this relationship stage on the map
       so many young people drift in and out of ALBM for their 20s and into their 30s
       naming something is important
WS: LOL...that's another topic altogether...naming something...it's an attempt to control/understand what we cannot control/understand
       do you explain in the book your own process for answering: "How to know when it's time to walk down the aisle or out the door?"
HS: i don't really -- what i do say is the advice i'd follow for ALBM round 2
WS: thanks. loved the chat!

A New Decade. A New Question?

HAPPY NEW DECADE! Happy 20-10.

For the new year, my sister-in-law left me with her copy of What We Believe But Cannot Prove. While I've been reading it, I've been also eagerly awaiting the 2010 question. Finally, the question, and answers by "leading minds", were published today: How Is The Internet Changing The Way You Think? I have to think about how (or if) the internet has changed the way I think, but I know it has definitely changed the way I live.

Of all the questions Edge has asked over the years, my favourite is: What Have You Changed Your Mind About? One thing I changed my mind about recently was Battlestar Galactica. I had avoided watching BG for the longest time because the original series had not been that impressive. But on New Year's Eve, my brother persuaded me to watch the pilot miniseries with him. He had a blast watching me get sucked into the show all the way up to the end, five minutes into the new decade. So, into the new decade, the question that has been on my mind, no doubt inspired by BG and recent news events, is: What do we believe is our nature and the nature of our reality, and are they really true? Not exactly a new question, but perhaps we'll come up with some new and interesting answers? So I wonder, how is the internet changing the way we think about these questions?

Fairy Tales & Soulmates

The same day that I finished chatting with Hannah Seligson (author of soon-to-be-published A Little Bit Married), a male friend posted the music video of Taylor Swift's Love Story on facebook with the description: "song about fairy tales". I guess I have been living under a rock in the musical sense, because I don't know Swift or the song. But I couldn't help laughing as soon as I saw the video. Hannah's comment immediately came to mind: "The fairy tale is corrosive, as one psychologist I interviewed put it. We need to stamp out the notion of the soulmate like we did with smallpox."

Anyway, I will post my chat with Hannah when A Little Bit Married is launched on 15 January 2010, which will give a bit more context to her remark. In the meantime, I hope everyone continues to believe in Santa Claus at least!

Above the Table with Angie Wong

I've been a regular consumer of Angie's Under the Table column in Time Out HK. Lately, every time I see Angie, I've complained about the lack of surprising new restaurants in Hong Kong. Angie would dutifully throw out a few new restaurants. But ultimately, she would end up agreeing that there was really nothing new and exciting to rave about.

So when an email promoting a new Korean fusion restaurant popped up in my inbox, despite the fact that it was located in TST's Miramar shopping center, I forwarded it to Angie because I wanted to find out what Korean fusion is. We decided to check it out for lunch.

"Want to walk through K11 afterward?" she asked.

"sounds like a lovely lunch date! i wonder how i can script it to end up in your column? ;-)" I replied.

"Invite my ex-boyfriends? I'm sure we'll find debauchery at lunch," she emailed back.

"if we don't find it, we can surely create it," I wrote back.

In the end, the restaurant was nothing to write about. K11 is just another shopping mall. And we didn't find or create any debauchery. Instead, we had a discussion about the fate of media, how there really is no such thing as lifestyle journalism (assuming that journalism implies objectivity), and how all our moments and experiences seem to be brought to us by [insert brand here]. Angie recounted a recent Tiffany & Co. moment, and we chatted about how the way we experience travel these days is through so many media filters. When we go to a new destination, we already have in our minds an idea of what we should be experiencing as pre-packaged by whatever media we have consumed: FT's How to Spend It versus a show on Discovery Travel & Living versus television shows and movies.

"How can you accept it (advertising/marketing-driven editorial, the seeming lack of authenticity of our experiences)?" Angie asked with a how-can-you-give-up-the-good-fight tone.

And here, I felt another one of those I-really-must-be-getting-old moments. "Because I'm half a decade older than you are," I replied. "And I've had more time to come to terms with the fact that I'm just as avid and guilty a consumer, as well as a producer, of all this fakeness." Interestingly, our luncheon conversation left me feeling quite serene.

When I got back to the office, I came across these pages in a fascinating new book of interesting statistics culled from Jonathan Harris' We Feel Fine website. I found it interesting that Asians expressed more feelings of anger and fear than people on other continents around the world, while also expressing the least amount of joy (What are Asians angry and fearful about?). Unsurprisingly, Americans expressed the most joy (we are "hopeless optimists", as many of my non-American friends have pointed out):

Miele Guide: Cast Your Vote for Asia's Best Restaurants!

Last week, an email invite to vote as a member of the special jury for The Miele Guide landed in my inbox, so I thought I'd have a Skype chat with uber-cool foodies Aun Koh & Sulyn Tan -- who are the embodiment of the Little Cream Life -- about their ambitious project to produce the definitive guide to Asia's best restaurants. While waiting for Sulyn's computer to start up ("Vista!" explained AK for the lag), we chatted about his recent meal at el Bulli and reminisced about the days of Commodore and Atari. When Sulyn finally joined us, Aun explained how the whole project started:


Aun: Both Su-Lyn and I have spent almost a decade each working in publishing. Many of those years have been dedicated to (1) food and restaurants; and (2) covering thr growth of Asia's lifestyle markets. The Miele Guide is something that we've wanted to do professionally for a long time. In 2002-2004, Su-Lyn was the editor in charge of Wine & Dine, and also thus ran its restaurant guide.

LCL: it's quite ambitious to do a pan-asian guide. was it hard putting together the shortlist?

Sulyn: The challenge was in first tracking down the best people to help us put it together. We really wanted to work with journalists who are currently keeping tabs on the restaurant scenes in their home cities/countries; people whose primary focus is to check out restaurants.

LCL: how many restaurants did each journalist recommend?

Sulyn: We ended up working with 84 of Asia's top restaurant critics. Each one was invited to nominate the 20 restaurants they felt were the best in their city/country.
In addition, when voters go online, they still have the option of adding in restaurants they feel are missing.

LCL: did you contribute to the shortlist?

Aun: Nope. We only invited full-time restaurant critics, plus a few others who are considered "local authorities". We actually don't fall into these categories. For Singapore, the panelists were Wong Ah Yoke, Geoffrey Eu, Jaime Ee, and Daven Wu, all of whom cover restaurants professionally.

LCL: any chefs?

Aun: Nope. Full-time restaurant critics! We did have a case in which a Contributing Editor (in Japan) suggested a panelist who is both a respected food writer and a respected chef. We said no but have invited this person to vote as part of the Special Jury. It was very important to have only critics creating the shortlist. Our Special Jury, on the other hand, is made up of regional freelancers, other media, foodies, chefs, hoteliers, restaurateurs and others from related industries that have some authority and know the region's restaurant scene.

LCL: y did you choose to follow the zagat model as opposed to the michelin model?

Sulyn: Actually, we're not following the Zagat model. While the public is invited to vote, we won't be consolidating their comments into our reviews. Each restaurant guide book company has its strengths. Zagat is strongest in the United States. Michelin is strongest in Europe. And while Zagat has had a presence in Asia for many years, its ratings and reviews are not considered significant benchmarks by Asian foodies and critics. Michelin’s own foray into Tokyo, while a success from a sales point of view, has garnered a lot of criticism from some of Japan’s most respected food critics and writers, and even Tokyo’s own mayor. Each guide book company also has its own process of evaluations. Zagat, being American, is entirely democratic. Its results are based on a popular survey. Michelin, on the other hand, likes to employ secrecy, depending on a small army of appointed tasters. Each of those systems work well in their own backyards, so to speak, but in Asia, we have decided it is important to look to other systems in order to best determine what our region’s best restaurants are. I think it will be the readers that at the end of the day decide if we have done our jobs properly, i.e. whether we have put together a guide that most accurately reflects what is happening in Asia’s restaurant scene. Most importantly, we want this guide to reflect the tastes of Asians, and not become an imposition of our own taste judgements on the region’s restaurants.

LCL: i think in Asia, there's the added complication where most international cities have a multi-cuisine focus when it comes to the best restaurants and a lot of great restaurants happen to be western imports. so i think it will be interesting to see how many robuchons or nobus make it onto this asian list
and how many local-grown restaurants make it. for example, a gau gee noodle shop or even a tsui wah hongkie fast food joint

Sulyn: you make a very good point. essentially, we want to create a system that allows for more than just the imports to be lauded in Asia. That said, it is a restaurant guide. So, a hawker stand would not be considered a restaurant.

Aun: we are setting specific guidelines as to what is a restaurant. None of the restaurants that we have allowed into the shortlist are "stalls", so to speak. That said, each panelist was allowed to push the definition of "restaurant" a little, if within their local context what they consider a restaurant is a little outside the box. For example, Naughty Nuri's in Bali is a restaurant to any critic in (and probably voter) in Indonesia. But a hawker stall in Newton Circus clearly is not. When the final results come in, we will look carefully to see if non-traditional restaurants were nominated and then make a decision on a case by case basis.

LCL: were the critics asked to recommend restaurants on food quality alone or also dining experience?

Sulyn: critics were asked to propose restaurants they consider to deliver a complete experience of excellence. In some contexts, whether there are table cloths and a stool for your handbag is irrelevant. For others, the ambience is part of the whole experience. We asked them to judge the restaurants as their fellow citizens are likely to judge them.

LCL: do you think that local "Asian" restaurants might suffer a little in the rankings since sometimes those serving good food have a habit of neglecting the "experience"?

Aun: It is up to the panelists, public voters and Jury members to make those decisions.

LCL: thanks guys, as a final question, i'd still like to get one of your fave restaurants...can be outside of asia if you don't want to compromise the objectivity of Miele Guide

Aun: Su-Lyn would like to qualify our answer: Le Cinq for a chi-chi affair and L'Atelier de Robuchon for everyday eating. Both in Paris. :)

Sulyn: I meant I'd be happy to eat at pretty much any L'Atelier in the world. It is impressive that they are pretty consistent wherever they are.

LCL: wow, so no el bulli

Aun: El Bulli is amazing and a really incredible experience, but I don't think I would call it a favourite. A "favourite" is the kind of place you could go to regularly -- and crave regularly. Don't forget, though, our guide is a determination of Asia's best restaurant not the public's favourite restaurants, which are two different things.

LCL: ciao! thanks for the chat! have a great weekend! i am going for sham tseng roast goose tmr night. can't wait to break this fast from good food!!!

Aun: We'll be dining at The White Rabbit 3 times over the next 3 days.

Everyone is eligible to cast their vote for the 10 best restaurants in Asia until 31 July 2008.

Chat with Alexandra Harney

I met Alexandra Harney last December over lunch at da domenico and we immediately hit it off. She's a journalist and now published author of The China Price: The True Cost of Chinese Competitive Advantage. She's one of those fascinating and entertaining people that can talk about everything under the sun and make you laugh non-stop. She speaks fluent Japanese, worked as an aide to a Japanese politician, taught herself Chinese so that she could talk to migrant Chinese workers and is also an avid snowboarder.

Penguin releases her book next Thursday (27 March). Because I haven't read the book yet, I thought it would be fun to have Alex talk about it herself. So I scheduled a gmail chat session with her. What I had originally anticipated to be a 20-30 minute session, ended up running an hour and a half. She had just gotten back from giving a talk at a Rotary Club luncheon and we chit-chatted a bit before eventually diving into her book:

2:48 PM me: so what gave you the idea to devote 2 years of your life roaming from chinese factory to chinese factory?

2:49 PM Alexandra: well, I grew up outside Washington, DC at a time when everyone was very concerned about Japan as an economic threat

and so I was very surprised, when I moved to Japan in the late 1990s,

me: this is back in the 80s?

2:50 PM Alexandra: to hear Japanese executives telling me they were worried they were going to lose their jobs to china. This was in the early 1990s that I first became aware of the debate about Japan.

2:51 PM So when I moved to Hong Kong with the Financial Times,

one of the first things I did was head up to mainland China.

I visited a clothing factory

and met this young woman, a worker,

2:52 PM who was sending most of what she earned home to her family every month.

All she had left over from the $100 or she earned was enough money for soap or tissues.

I thought she was pretty fascinating

and I looked around, and there were thousands of other women just like her

in that factory alone, and millions of others all around China.

2:53 PM I wanted to tell their story, and connect it to my life and the lives of my friends and family back in the US.

me: that's really interesting...so basically, it was a connection with a woman...and you wanted to understand her life

2:54 PM Alexandra: Precisely.

I wanted, actually, to move into a dormitory in China and work and live like a factory worker.

That wasn't really possible.

Chinese factories are busy places

and I'm not very efficient.

me: haha...i see a trend here...factory girl...sushi chef...

2:55 PM journalism really suits you

Alexandra: Yes - in Japanese, they call it "taiken"

me: what else would you want to be?

Alexandra: which literally translated means "body experience"

me: or rather, experience

Alexandra: well, there's the body character in there

but yes, it means experience

2:56 PM I'm not sure what else I'd like to try out

but when I was living in Japan, I did as many of those "taiken" experiences as possible

I made butter on a farm in Hokkaido

2:57 PM I made paper the old fashioned way

in a little village outside Tokyo

I handed out brochures on the street

2:58 PM me: it seems in this day and age...we are so removed from using our hands to make things

production is outsourced to others

Alexandra: Absolutely

And that's a pretty fascinating trend

2:59 PM Because whoever ends up making things for us benefits, but also pays a price

that's what The China Price is about.

me: but ultimately, we, as consumers, also pay a price too

Alexandra: Yes, completely.

3:00 PM me: so that leaves only one winner

Alexandra: Well, I think people win on both sides of the equation

One economist in the US estimates that China's factories have saved the average American family $500 a year

because their prices are so low.

That's a material savings.

3:01 PM And things like Ipods and mobile phones are more affordable because of outsourcing production to lower-cost areas.

On the other side of the equation, Chinese workers do generally earn money for their work

me: but we pay for it in terms of waste accumulation, damage to the environment etc.

Alexandra: if not perhaps as much as they should under the law.

3:02 PM Yes, definitely. To make things really cheaply, you have to sacrifice certain costs

and unfortunately, those costs have historically often been environmental protection

workers' rights

workers' health.

This is not specific to China - it's happened and happening everywhere.

me: do you think it's worth it?

3:03 PM Alexandra: Great question.

I think it depends on who you are.

me: start with the factory worker

3:04 PM Alexandra: Okay, if you're a Chinese factory worker who has used your earnings and experience to climb the economic ladder

3:05 PM and obtain a better standard of living for yourself and your family

then you're lucky: you are a beneficiary of globalization.

But if you're one of the unlucky factory workers

3:06 PM who has contracted an occupational disease

for example

and you're dying of silicosis

because of the dust you inhaled on the line, and you don't have insurance

because your employer never bothered to buy it for you

globalization wasn't worth it for you.

3:07 PM In truth, if you look at China's manufacturing workforce - 104.5 million people

clearly, many of these workers have paid a certain price

3:08 PM in terms of having had to work very long hours, for less than they should have been paid,

but many of them have, at the same time, helped to raise the standard of living of their family.

The true test is to ask the workers themselves.

A lot of my migrant worker friends

3:09 PM are not so sure working that hard is worth it.

And would prefer easier lives.

But they also want to earn money.

And the factories are where they can earn money.

3:10 PM me: but this is the story of progress

parents toil, so that they can put their kids through school, hopefully give them a better life

Alexandra: Yes, precisely.

3:11 PM me: generations of immigrants to America were looking for the same

Alexandra: Yes.

What I think is different today is the multinationals that are involved in this process.

These migrant workers in China are working directly to supply goods to big, international companies.

3:12 PM Who are looking for the lowest price possible.

me: yes, that's who i meant as the one winner in the equation

but even that is not so simple

Alexandra: Yes - not simple at all.

3:13 PM me: because many American consumers are also shareholders in these multinationals through their 401Ks

Alexandra: right

It's complex

retailers and brands answer to their shareholders and to Wall Street

me: a web

Alexandra: yes

me: the irony is that as China gets wealthier

Alexandra: and investors, of course, want improving returns.

3:14 PM me: more of their wealth is tied into Wall Street and multinationals

Alexandra: As shareholders, you mean, or as employees?

or both?

me: both

Alexandra: Right. Absolutely.

3:15 PM I think so far, a lot of Westerners have been concerned about labor rights and organic foods

environmentally-friendly cars

and most Chinese don't have that luxury.

But when they do, that could really have an impact on the way business is done.

3:16 PM me: so what was your big take-away after writing The China Price?

did it change the way you consume?

Alexandra: Yes.

It changed the way I think about shopping.

3:17 PM Certain prices are so low that the product cannot have been made under ethical conditions.

3:18 PM I know that for a lot of products, it's very difficult to tell precisely where and how it was made.

And that's troubling.

I do think more about buying less.

And I think about what I know about companies' buying practices,

3:19 PM and how open they are about them.

If a company can't tell me how many factories they have,

how do they know what's really happening in those factories?

I think a lot about my friends and contacts at the other end of the supply chain

3:20 PM and wonder how much of the price of what I'm buying went to them.

3:21 PM me: How many people did you talk to for the book?

3:22 PM Alexandra: I couldn't even count.

Hundreds?

Certainly more than a hundred.

3:23 PM me: Did you come across anyone you really disliked?

Alexandra: Ha! No, not really.

People were really generous, with their time, their insights, their advice.

3:24 PM Writing a book reminds you of the generosity of the human spirit.

me: That's very true...not just book writing

Alexandra: Yes.

me: I come across it all the time

Alexandra: Yes.

But as a daily journalist, you sometimes feel like nobody wants to talk to you or help you.

3:25 PM And stepping away from that to write this book helped show me that people are pretty extraordinary.

me: What's your next project? Or what would be your dream project?

3:26 PM Alexandra: Oh, I wish I knew!

I'd love to write another book someday.

me: Were there days you thought you'd never finish?

3:27 PM Alexandra: No - I had a contract, so I knew I'd finish.

But there were plenty of lonely days.

Being a daily journalist is a very social thing.

Writing a book is more solitary.

Which is funny, since I was in China for so much of the time.

Where there are plenty of people.

3:28 PM me: But you were connecting in a different way probably

Alexandra: Connecting to?

me: all the people in China that were around you

Alexandra: Right - that was great.

As you know, I love Shenzhen

3:29 PM love all of the craziness of southern China.

I find it the most fascinating place in the world.

And to have the time to explore it, to talk to people, to hear their stories,

me: i should get you to be my guide some time

Alexandra: was a real privilege.

me: i really don't like southern china

Alexandra: Really?

Why not?

me: yes, really

it's probably for all the reasons you love it

Alexandra: Ha ha!

me: it's madness

Alexandra: Yes - that's what I love.

3:30 PM me: i love japan though

Alexandra: I know you do. I love Japan too.

I just find Shenzhen kind of a hidden gem.

Everyone has a story.

me: since you speak both japanese and chinese

Alexandra: Yes, so there is that

and you know I love to talk.

So I enjoy hearing people's stories

me: it must be interesting, because the languages are so different

3:31 PM not in terms of sound

Alexandra: yes, the languages are totally different -

in terms of personality.

me: but in terms of how communication is carried out

Alexandra: I think we've talked about this before, but yes

me: yes, personality is the word

Alexandra: what do you think is the most different?

me: do you find you are a different person depending on the language you are speaking?

Alexandra: Yes, sort of.

3:32 PM All are versions of me. My Japanese personality is much more polite, more demure.

me: haha

Alexandra: My Chinese personality is much closer to my American personality.

I crack more jokes in Japanese, because I'm more fluent.

But I try to make sure people keep laughing when I speak Chinese, even if it is at me.

3:33 PM Are your Cantonese and English personalities different?

me: i think they are fairly similar, because fluency level is the same, but i think i tend to be more crass in Cantonese

Alexandra: Ha!

me: Cantonese is funny that way

3:34 PM it's a very crass, gritty language

Alexandra: Yes, from what I hear

me: or at least can be

Alexandra: Why do you think it is?

me: well, Putonghua is what was spoken in the courts

so it's more refined

Alexandra: right

me: although, when they were voting which dialect to use

3:35 PM Cantonese apparently only lost by 1 vote

Alexandra: HA!

me: or so i've been told, could be myth

Alexandra: Who was voting?

me: i assume the mandarins

Alexandra: Year?

me: not the people, of course

dunno...these are just stories my dad tells me

Alexandra: Interesting!

I will look that up.

me: tell me if it's true!

3:36 PM Alexandra: Okay, will do.

me: ok...better wrap this up...you must be busy

although i could sit here and chat with you all day

"Beauty is the Promise of Happiness" and the Hexagonal House

It's an extremely rare luxury for me to be able to read a book cover-to-cover, more or less in one go. It's not just the luxury of finding the time to do nothing else but read, but also the luxury of finding the book that doesn't lose my attention span before the first 100 pages. I got to do just that over last week's Labour Day holiday. The book was Alain de Botton's The Architecture of Happiness. It's a really easy read with a whole lot of photographs. AdB's books all deal with one central theme -- what makes us happy and how we often delude ourselves into thinking that happiness might lie in a weeklong yoga retreat with Cyndi Lee in Ubud or zipping down PCH in the latest Ferrari.

Stendhal's "Beauty is the promise of happiness" quote struck a chord. The quote begs the question: what is beauty? AdB's answer is, of course, that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That which we find beautiful is what we find to hold most promise for our happiness or fulfillment. So that got me thinking about my obsession with building a hexagonal house and what that means for my quest for happiness.

livingroom
Originally uploaded by kebbiekow.

When I was about 13 years old, living in Arizona, a bike ride away from Frank Lloyd Wright's Taliesin West, I was lying on the floor one day trying to sketch out a workable, liveable solution for a hexagon-shaped house (my aunt, who had been trained as an architect and was visiting at the time, took one glance at my drawing and told me that it was a silly design and that nobody would ever design a house like that). Even though I visited AD and his family at Taliesin West often, I hadn't yet heard about or seen images of FLW's Hanna House. But like FLW, I was driven by boredom with all the cookie-cutter rectangular houses I saw around me. There must be a more interesting shape to live in. So for me, happiness = absence of boredom, which I guess visually translates into anything other than a square or rectangle (coincidentally, my office building is probably the only building in town with hexagonal windows). The most recent incarnation of my obsession with the hexagonal house has been Snowflake (snowflakes, of course, are hexagonal and their beauty lie in the fact that each is unique), an idea for a luxury onsen ski ryokan in some snowy wilderness with access to powdery slopes. BL did a wonderful job designing a floor plan based on my very specific brief of wanting an exploding or radiating hexagon. I think Jean Hanna sums up best what I find beautiful in a hexagon. She once remarked about Hanna House: "To live here, is to live imaginatively".

Neat reads

Got an interesting email from JC at Hong Kong Design Center (which also reminded me that Business of Design Week conference is landing in here from 29 November to 1 December. Cool speakers include: Karim Rashid, Jimmy Choo, and Alan Yau among others). He forwarded a request for input from his friend AL in Spain who is working on a book called We Love Magazines for Colophon 2007, in international magazine symposium. For the book, they're compiling a list of "magazines that have sadly passed on but that we really miss -- from The Face to Nova". Oddly, I couldn't think of any. In particular, they need input on non-English magazine (funny, eat just came to mind, so I googled it and indeed it has folded!). Let me know if you can think of any and I'll forward them on to AL.

As I was going through AL's site, I came across another book for which he was both an editor and writer, le cool changed my life: a weird and wonderful guide to barcelona. I flipped through the online sample pages and loved it, so ordered my copy. I'm a bit of a magazine and travel guide junkie, I suppose. le cool also publishes weekly events listings for Barcelona, Madrid, Lisbon, Amsterdam, London and Istanbul.

And since I'm on a design tangent today, congratulations to AW's company, Kitchen, for bagging a Hong Kong 4As Interactive & Direct Award! Kitchen and Mindshare's MOOV Online Campaign (client: PCCW-now.com.hk) was the Best Interactive Campaign 2006!

Dream Enterprises, Good Enterprises

Funny how themes of entries these past few days have kind of flowed from one to the next. Following on from yesterday's "follow-you-dreams" theme, I had the pleasure of attending a dinner talk by fellow Bryn Mawr alum Claudia Shaw d'Auriol and Delicious co-author Dominica Yang. Not only do I love a good follow-your-passion story, I am also a sucker for do-good stories (like buying copies of Marisa Acocella Marchetto's Cyber Vixen the other day when I read about it in daily candy; part of the author's proceeds go to providing breast care to underprivileged women at St. Vincent's Comprehensive Cancer Center and The Breast Cancer Research Foundation.).

So here were two amazing women, both taking time from their work (Claudia works for Chanel and Dominica has her own interior design business) and family obligations, doing what they love and doing it for the good of others. Over lunch one day, they decided they both shared a common dream -- to write a cookbook. They decided they should do it together and that 100% of the proceeds should go to two Hong Kong charities: Children's Thalassaemia Foundation and Priscilla's Home (one of Fu Hong Society's homes for the handicapped). Both charities are close to the heart of Dominica, as she herself is a carrier of Thalassaemia and her family founded Priscilla's Home.


It was particularly fun to hear about their trials and tribulations of self publishing as well as about their passion for cooking. The main message, though, was that of a Nike ad -- just do it. Life's too precious to come up with a million and one excuses not to do the things that you love and care about.

And then, this morning, in my inbox of various e-newsletters, there's CITY's Page One blurb on RED being the new Black. I love RED's manifesto about the power of choice. For me, as a consumer, it's an easy choice. What is there not to love about it -- brilliant products + brilliant marketing to do good by raising money for The Global Fund to fight AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria. Sounds like a great, do-good business model to me!

What good will you dream up today?

Pleasant Surprises

I love surprises, especially when they come in boxes. Out of the blue, a box arrived from Pantheon (an imprint of Random House). Had the new titles I sent to SW, an editor I had met last year about Little Cream Book, bounced back? I opened the box, and inside sat copies of Joan Didion's non-fiction collection, We Tell Ourselves Stories in Order to Live, and Feather in the Storm by Emily Wu and Larry Engelmann about Wu's childhood during the Cultural Revolution. Apparently, SW did received the new titles I sent her and had reciprocated. I can't wait to start reading them, especially the Joan Didion collection. Didion's writings were much talked about during my Bryn Mawr days, but to be honest, I didn't actually get around to reading much of them (I had actually read more Susan Sontag). Because I'm an avid reader of Vanity Fair and Dominick Dunne's (Didion's brother-in-law) column, I probably know more about her personal life than about her actual writing.

Speaking of other pleasant surprises, I came across a wonderful write-up on Little Cream Book in the current issue of Four Seasons magazine (as in the luxury hotels and resorts). It was actually written by ST, or better known as Chubby Hubby's S. It was actually an article on creative, lifestyle products coming out of China's metropolitan cities (i.e. Hong Kong, Shanghai and Beijing), which also featured Fort Street Studio, Spin Ceramics, Suzhou Cobblers, Chang & Biorck and Mushi Fashion.

A more local surprise was a visit to a fairly new boutique hotel/serviced apartment right around the corner from my office on 133 Leighton Road. I had heard of Lanson Place mentioned by another friend earlier, but was not intrigued enough to go seek it out. Since EO had just checked-in, I decided to pay him a visit before we went to lunch. Turns out, it's very good value for money. He got upgraded to a Grand Luxe room (around 500 sq. ft.), which has a kitchenette (with microwave and burners), separate sitting area and bedroom with airy views overlooking the stadium. Bathroom is OK in size. Typical of a "boutique hotel", there is no bathtub and offers only one wash basin. At HK$1,400++ (rack rate is HK$3,200++) though, it's a pretty good deal in Causeway Bay. It does run up against competition though; as it's right behind JIA. The more intimate ambiance beats Regal Hotel next door or Excelsior on the harbour front. In Central, there's Hotel LKF, which is very convenient for those who enjoy the Lan Kwai Fong/SoHo nightlife when they're in the city.

And last, but not least, there's the season 3 opener of
Desperate Housewives, which is just out on iTunes. Just 10 more days till LOST!